


Irreplaceable

by DeeNuke



Category: 19 Days, 19天, 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: 19 Days old xian, 19 days - Freeform, 19天 - Freeform, 19天 - old先, BL, Boy Love, Canon - Manhwa, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Jian Yi (19 Days) - Freeform, Jian Yi/Zhan Zhengxi (19 Days) - Freeform, Love, M/M, Slice of Life, Storm - Freeform, Thunder - Freeform, Xi Xi, Xixi/Jian Yi - Freeform, Yi展正希/见一, Zhan Zheng Xi - Freeform, Zhan Zheng Xi/Jian, Zhan Zhengxi (19 Days) - Freeform, Zhan Zi Qian, Zhanyi - Relationship - Freeform, Zi Xi, boylove, highschool, old xian, old先, one day, 展正希 - Freeform, 展正希见一, 炸贱 - Freeform, 炸贱 - Relationship - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29378364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeeNuke/pseuds/DeeNuke
Summary: Jian Yi and his fear of thunder and lightning.
Relationships: Jian Yi/Zhan Zhengxi (19 Days), Xixi/Jian Yi, Zhanyi - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	Irreplaceable

The pale-grey overcast that had been obscuring the skies all day was now darkening to an angry black. It had been a long, gloomy day at school, the atmosphere tense and sombre just like Jian Yi’s mood; it was as if his state of mind was reflecting the weather or at least influenced it to a degree that it had turned sour. That is what some of Yi’s classmates had joked about anyway, but for once he had not bothered to answer their teasing and just remained seated at his desk, his eyes lost and thoughts a mess.

But now that he and Zheng Xi had arrived home, the murkiness in the sky had turned even worse, enough to make both Zhan Zheng Xi and Jian Yi look up from their homework, frowning a little at a sudden dimming of the light. Luckily, they had managed to get to Zhan Zheng Xi’s place just in time, the rain had not started yet, but it might now at any given moment.

The room suddenly went darker as though night had come in swiftly, snuffing out the daylight, like a whiff of air would blow the flame of a candle. There was an odd tension in the air, a soft sort of electricity that made Yi uncomfortable. It felt like it prickled and tickled his skin all over. Frowning, Jian Yi, nervously ran his fingers through his hair as though to hide the fact that he was suddenly feeling nervous. He was just fine with normal storms, rain, some wind, all that lot, but these sorts of threatening tempests had always left him more than a little uncomfortable.

To add up to that growing tension, he had to overthink things again the entire morning, and by the time he was in class, he felt so out of place and inadequate that he couldn’t even look Zhan Zheng Xi in the eyes. _‘Xi Xi’_ \- that’s how Yi would call his best friend, Zhan Zheng Xi - had joked about _‘finding another friend’_ the previous night, and while Yi had laughed it off, the thought took seed in his mind that he was, in the end, very much replaceable. 

Now, hovering over their homework, books open on the desk, Yi was barely managing to focus, while Zheng Xi, completely oblivious to the situation, was concentrated on the task at hand. A low rumbling thunder in the distance made Yi snap out of his thoughts and repeatedly blink until his eyes refocused.

“Damn…,” Yi muttered, but instead of turning the desk lamp on and continuing to study, he pushed open the blinds on the window and peered outside through the pale, sun-worn, plastic slats. The rain still lagged behind, but a sudden thunder boomed so loudly that the desk and everything on it mildly rattled, making Yi flinch. He could already feel the knot in his throat and the quivering in his stomach. “Not this again…,” he murmured and looked at Zhan Zheng Xi, who returned his gaze.

“Does your sister have an umbrella?” Yi just as suddenly asked, his voice laced with worry, putting down the pen he was holding up until that moment. 

“I hope so,” Zhan Zheng Xi replied, and standing up, he walked to the window, quickly rolling the blinds up, looking outside, instantly followed by Yi. It was indeed a dark sight to see. The clouds were thick and heavy, lower than normal storm clouds, hovering above the sea of rooftops like eerie creatures from another world. Another thunder cracked the skies and Yi flinched once more, but this time a hand rested on his back and the knot in his throat finally went down as though that simple gesture had some magic properties to it.

He instantly relaxed a little, realising just then how tense he had been, a soft ache spreading through his body as he felt the warmth of Zheng Xi’s hand on his back. Jian Yi hated storms, the kind of storms where everything turned to uncanny darkness, where the rain refused to come, but the thunders and lightning were clashing every few seconds, like maddened beasts of an angry god. Sure enough, as he thought just that, a streak of light pierced the skies, making something, on some distant rooftop, spark. 

A soft shudder went through Yi and he nervously bit his lower lip. “I don’t like this…,” he said silently. The prickling on his skin intensified and he hugged himself, rubbing his arms. “I don’t like this at all,” he insisted. He couldn’t understand why people would find comfort in that sort of weather, pretended like this could not become a storm of destructive proportions. With an equally shaky breather, he turned on his heels and hurried out of the room, towards the hallway.

“Where are you going?!” Zheng Xi instantly turned to follow him, not sure if Yi wanted to hide or just distract himself in some other way. He did not remember Yi like that, hating the storms when he was a kid, but then after he had come back with a weird story of being kidnapped, things had already changed for his friend, and storms were something Yi now feared.

“I’m going to get Zi Qian!” Yi said without looking at Zheng Xi. His voice was quivering and he could tell he was moving slower than he wanted to, and while he didn’t see eye to eye with Zheng Xi’s younger sister, he at least knew she hated these storms just as much as he did. The last time this had happened and Yi had been over at Zheng Xi’s, Zi Qian had run up from her room, screaming, barged in, barricaded them all inside, then hid under the blankets. She had been scared enough to even allow Yi to talk to her and calm her down. But now Zi Qian was not home, but on her way home, if not frozen in place somewhere, being scared. 

One shoe on, Yi grabbed the other trying to put it on. “Xi Xi! Are you coming or not?” he shouted, briefly looking over his shoulder. But as he turned around, the front door suddenly opened with such speed and strength that it took Yi a moment to register the pain when he got hit. Panting and shuddering, Zi Qian rushed in a terrified look on her face. Slamming the door shut behind her as though she had been followed by some monster, she remained still. It was the pained sound that came from Yi to make her realise she was now home and safe.

Though, Yi was unable to move. The pain from being hit travelled from the nose to his forehead, a pulsing ache that settled right between his eyes and made his vision blurry before it spread over his entire head. His eyes got watery from the blow and with a small groan, Yi dropped the shoe then sank to his knees, holding his face in his hands. The room was spinning a little and Zi Qian’s desperate voice was ringing in his ears. Then Zheng Xi said something, but he could not quite understand what anymore, but the same warm hands he had felt earlier, trying to calm him down when it thundered, touched him again, one resting on the back of his neck, the other removing Yi’s hands from his face.

“You managed to break his nose?!” Zheng Xi looked at the red streak that was dripping from Yi’s nose before turning his eyes on his younger sister.

“I didn’t mean to!” Zi Qian moaned, taking a step towards Yi, her eyes on him. “What was he doing there anyway?” she asked and dropped her bag, not knowing what to do.

“He wanted to come and get you from school…,” Zheng Xi chuckled lightly, placing his hand, tucked inside the long sleeve of his t-shirt, over Yi’s nose, trying to stop the bleeding.

It took Zi Qian a moment to understand her brother’s words, her eyes going back to Yi, who was still kneeling in their hallway, bleary-eyed and nose bleeding. She didn’t like Yi at all, he was odd, that’s what she had decided a while ago, and he was always all over her brother - in a weird way - and above all, he was trying to take her brother away from her. She did not expect to hear that it had been Yi who wanted to come and ‘rescue’ her from the storm.

“Why?” she asked a little taken aback, her eyes not leaving Yi. “I was coming home by bus,” she whispered.

“Because he knows you hate storms as much as he does,” Zheng Xi said calmly and nudged his chin towards the direction of the bathroom. “Go get me some cotton balls, I’ll take him back to my room,” he said and watched Zi Qian nod, then rush away from them. Wrapping Yi’s arm around his own shoulders, Zheng Xi quickly wiped his nose, then took his hand away, grabbing his side so he could carry him more easily. “Come on, _your highness, esteemed Knight in Shining Armour_ …,” he joked, “I know she hit you good, but you need to help me out,” he said softly and stood up, pulling Yi up with him.

With a small sound, Yi tried to follow, though, his legs seemed like they were made of jello, weak at the knees and wobbly. The bleeding refused to stop, instead, it got a bit worse the moment Zheng Xi suddenly picked him up from the floor. Now he could taste the blood in his mouth and everything around him was a blur of pasty colours as he moved from one room to another. But just moments later he was back in Zheng Xi’s room and laid on the bed, a relieved sigh coming from him when he felt the soft cushion being shoved under his head. He briefly breathed out through his mouth, then Zheng Xi’s sleeved hand was back over his nose, gently wiping the blood off him. 

Not taking his eyes of Yi, Zheng Xi pinned some strands of hair behind his ear. The edge of the door had left an angry red, vertical furrow right in the middle of Yi’s forehead, and probably the same edge had broken his nose as well. He reached up and gently touched Yi’s nose with his fingers, checking if it was broken, only to hear him softly moan in pain. 

“She got you good,” Zheng Xi forced a smile, meeting Yi’s eyes, who still felt his head swimming and room spinning. “But at least she didn’t break your nose,” he announced and pulled at his other t-shirt sleeve, continuing to wipe the blood off Yi’s cheek. 

“Brother!” Zi Qian suddenly ran into the room, carrying the entire box of cotton balls in her hands. “Take it!” she impatiently demanded, her eyes worried. But just as she handed out the bag, a loud thunder broke the silence, followed by a bright and threatening lightning strike. A small yelp came from her and she froze in place, shuddering. When Zheng Xi looked back down at Yi, he saw him tense, too, his eyes suddenly wide open, his chest risen as he kept the air in, refusing to breathe out. He was shivering, both hands grasping at the blanket, his fingers curled too tightly into it that his knuckles had become white.

“Calm down…,” he said softly, briefly placing his hand over Yi’s. He felt him relax and only then turned his eyes to his sister, who looked just as terrified. With a sigh, Zheng Xi, took the bag of cotton balls, and crossed legged, he sat down on the floor.

“Come here…,” he told Zi Qian and opened his arms, tilting his head to the side a little to make his sister sit down in front of him on the floor. Shivering, Zi Qian instantly followed the order, her eyes fixed on Yi. She said nothing, but stood there, watching the blood-smeared sleeves on her brother hanging off his arms as he tried to patch Yi up.

“I’m sorry…,” she spoke quietly to Yi, but got no answer in return. Reaching out, she gently rolled Zheng Xi’s sleeves up, while her brother was busy cleaning Yi’s face. “Does it hurt?” she continued, briefly looking over her and her brother’s shoulders, out of the window as though she had just asked for permission to speak from the storm itself. 

It took Yi a few good moments to register her voice and questions and when it finally happened, he faintly smiled. “I don’t know…,” he said and swallowed hard, tasting more blood. He slowly turned his head and gave her a reassuring smile. “I’ll live,” he tried to inhale air through his nose, but couldn’t, so he opened his mouth more, breathing in like that.

“I didn’t mean to…,” Zi Qian said and lowered her eyes, guilt swirling in her stomach.

“I know…,” Yi weakly chuckled. “It’s okay, kiddo…,” he said and slowly reached out, placing his hand on her head, gently patting. “It’s not serious at all. I can vouch that your brother’s head is way tougher than your door and his headbutts are lethal,” Yi joked, referring to the numerous times Zheng Xi had managed to hit him by accident during P.E. and left him with a bleeding nose. The remark made Zheng Xi chuckled lightly, too, and Zi Qian seemed to relax a little as well.

“But I know you didn’t mean to,” Yi added, feeling Zheng Xi’s eyes on him. He turned his gaze to him, yet instead of seeing him angry, the worry and fondness in Zheng Xi’s eyes left him speechless. Taken a little aback, Yi took his hand away, but just as he did so, another thunder shook the room.

He heard Zi Qian whimper and saw her turn her face away, hiding it in her hands as though she was just as embarrassed to be seen like that as he was. But he could not comfort her, he completely froze again, his hand hovering in mid-air, over her head. His heart was hammering in his chest and if it hadn’t been for the throbbing headache and bloody nose, he would have rolled onto his side, made himself into a ball and hidden under the blankets until the storm passed. He could not even remember when he had started to hate those tempests, but they now scared him more than the prospect of having his ass whooped in school by bullies like She Li.

His thoughts were interrupted though when he felt Zheng Xi gently shove a piece of cotton into his nostril. He turned his head a little and looked at Zheng Xi, briefly nodding a thank you. He got the same in return before Xi, once more, wiped some blood off his cheeks. Then without a word, he turned on the nightstand lamp, took the music player that was lying there, turned it on, and made his sister put the earphones in.

_‘Smart’_ , Yi thought, like that the sounds were not going to bother her and the music was going to calm her down. He looked at the girl, who finally took her hands away from her face, and eyes closed, she leaned her head against her brother’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Yi…,” he heard Zheng Xi say, then watched him take his hand in his. “You’re safe…,” he continued and those warm, soft hands, held his. He remained still, feeling Zheng Xi gently massage his fingers as though there was where he had hurt himself, not his head and nose. But just as pain was swirling in his head, warmth travelled up his arm and into his whole body, pooling in the pit of his stomach.

It took so very little to make Yi aware of Zheng Xi’s presence it was rather unbearable and pathetic. He would react so out of place and instantly want more just from one simple gesture like that… Indeed, he was not worthy to be his friend, and maybe he should be replaced with someone else, someone who would not fall even deeper in love with him and be a burden. With a sigh, Yi’s eyes turned from Zheng Xi to his sister, but now she looked like she had fallen asleep.

Usually, Zheng Xi would avoid comforting Yi in front of his sister, they both knew she found it borderline weird. Though, apparently what Yi was feeling was more important to Zheng Xi than the unfounded fears of the young Zi Qian. Another deafening thunder reverberated through the room as though it had cracked open the ceiling. It made both Yi and Zi Qian look up at the same time, checking if that was the case or not, while Zheng Xi snorted amused at their reaction.

“Look at you two…,” he grinned but felt his sister’s elbow gently poke his ribs before she turned her face away once more, shoved the earbuds deeper into her ears, turned the volume up a notch, and leaned her head back against her brother’s shoulder. Zheng Xi looked at her a little longer, just to make sure she was indeed alright, but when he turned his gaze back on Yi, he saw him looking straight at Zi Qian with the most saddened look in his eyes. 

Lowering his gaze, Zheng Xi remained silent. He knew what Yi was thinking, but he could do little about it in that moment. It had not been that long since Yi had made it very clear to him that he felt more for him than what their friendship was offering. Each time his sister would get clingy, Yi would somewhat mirror that behaviour, wanting Zheng Xi’s attention, too. He would not ask more than closeness, though, maybe to be able to be next to him in any shape or form, most of the time simply offering to be a pillar of strength for Zheng Xi.

Zheng Xi found Yi’s behaviour somewhat amusing, but if he was to be honest, he also liked how he was seeking refuge in his arms. Sighing, Zheng Xi pushed the thought away, looking back up at Yi, but finding him with his eyes fixed on an imaginary spot onto the ceiling, a forced little smile on his lips.Jian Yi was sad, that much was obvious, but he had been sad all day at school, in fact so sad that he had avoided him altogether. If he was going to get at the bottom of this it was not going to be by interrogating him.

Without a second thought, Zheng Xi brought Yi’s hand to his lips and suddenly kissed his palm. He felt him instantly tense and for a moment he thought Yi would take his hand away. But then those long fingers gingerly cupped his cheek and turned his head a little until their eyes met again. While Zheng Xi had accepted Yi’s feelings, he had not given him an answer, still struggling to find that answer within himself. But there were these moments where he felt a pull towards him, not just to protect him, but to be touched by him.

He should have been the one to calm Yi down, to make him feel comfortable, but somehow the roles had switched and Yi was the one driving away the tension in his body, softly caressing him. Zheng Xi felt Yi’s thumb move over his cheek and fingers pinning a way too short strand of hair behind his ear. With a soft breather, Zheng Xi leaned his cheek in Yi’s hand, then sighed. He closed his eyes, not even being able to question what he was doing, giving up for a moment and sinking in that strange, yet calming feeling. He was not ready to admit to anything, but he hoped that Yi would have the patience until he found his answer. How unfair was to ask that of him, but there he was, leading him on, not letting anyone else have him. 

His thoughts were interrupted though when lightning lit up the sky. It flashed brightly outside their window and then just as suddenly, the lights in the house went out, leaving them all in complete darkness. That’s how Zheng Xi was brought back to reality. Zi Qian shuddered in his arms, so he hushed her, gently pushing her head back onto his shoulder with one hand, while his other hand kept Yi’s glued to his own face. 

They remained like that, in silence and once again Zheng Xi found himself turning his head, lips placing yet another soft kiss onto Yi’s palm. He felt the caresses over his cheek once more, fingertips outlining his lips and heard a shuddering breather coming from Yi. If it wasn’t for his sister who was clinging to him like a scared cat, Zheng Xi knew he would have leaned in and kissed him that very moment. Would he then take the responsibility for that kiss, though? The thought made his heart throb in his chest and his jaws clenched.

He remained still, trying to calm down the beating of his own heart, the emptiness in his stomach, and his thoughts. Once, Xiao Hui, one of the girls in his class, had asked him why he was always hanging around Jian Yi. At that point he had not had the nerve to admit to himself the fact that he was slowly falling for him, so he had said that Jian Yi was just a very important person to him. That he was someone who cannot be replaced, but that was very much the truth, too - Jian Yi could not be replaced and was never going to be replaced - if only he had the courage to tell Yi that, too.

“I'm here…,” Zheng Xi whispered against Yi’s hand and for a moment felt a soft pull as though Yi wanted to have him closer, but then reconsidered.

“Hey, Xixi…,” he silently said, his hand stopping the caresses for a moment, “you think I’m lame?” he sniffed, then quickly opened his mouth again to be able to breathe.

Surprised to hear the question, Zheng Xi blinked confused then sighed, “You’re a spazz, Yi, but not lame…,” he answered, his fingers caressing the back of Yi’s hand that he still held to his face. “This is what bothered you all day? Because you completely ignored me today at school…,” he continued, exhaling slowly to not disturb his sister. 

Smiling a little to himself, Jian Yi pondered then sighed, “No, not that…,” he added and felt the soft shiver running through him with each small caress. “Yesterday, you said…,” he paused, “you said you wanted another friend…,” his voice dimmed a little, “so I guess it’s because I’m lame… I mean, I feel like fainting from a blow to the nose and I’m scared of big storms…,” he started to enumerate different things he found were wrong with him. “And now I’m a burden to you because I like you…,” he added even more quietly.

Remaining still, frozen in place, Zheng Xi swallowed hard. His own words rang in his ears, how he had said them back then, only to realise how hurtful they had been. “I was joking…,” he suddenly said, his voice cracking a little. “I didn’t realise how that came out and how hurtful it sounded to you…,” he quickly added, trying to give Yi an explanation, but then just stopped.

“Yi…,” Zheng Xi sighed, gently pulling at Yi’s arm, kissing his wrist now, “I do not want or need any other friend…,” he sniffed, “you’re enough…,” he turned his head and leaned his forehead in Yi’s hand. “That promise we made years ago is not the only thing that keeps me here…,” he went on, silently, “so don’t go thinking crazy stuff… because I won’t let go of you…,” Zheng Xi concluded with a shuddering sigh. “You’re stuck with me…” 

“Promise?” Yi asked, his voice a little muffled. He was so glad the lights had gone out because otherwise, Zheng Xi would have seen him cry again. He wanted to scream, to ask him why he kept him around, what other reasons were there? Why was he kissing his hand, why was he not pulling away when he touched and caressed him? But all those questions remained in his head, both a growing ache and a soothing warmth in his chest.

Looking up, even if he could barely see Yi in the darkness, Zheng Xi nodded, reaching out with both hands, grabbing him by the t-shirt and gently pulling him closer. He felt Yi stretch over the bed, shakily keep his balance as to no fall down or touch Zi Qian. In the silence of the room where only the music from the player was humming from his sister’s earbuds, Zheng Xi gently pressed his lips against Yi’s temple, “Promise…,” he whispered in his ear and once again the urge to kiss him swirled in his chest, making him tense. 

But then the clicks of the front door locks being turned made both Yi and Zheng Xi flinch and the voice that came from the hallway rang in their ears. Moments later the lights came back on and Zheng Xi’s mother started to call them out. When Zheng Xi looked back, Yi had already pulled away from him and rolled onto his side, facing the wall. His sister was sleepily looking around the room and when Zheng Xi’s mother opened the door, the young girl jumped to her feet and into the woman’s arms without looking back.

That was how the evening ended, though; with Zi Qian telling their mother the frightful events that had led up to her cowering in her brother’s arms like a stay cat and with the mother fussing over her and Jian Yi. When the night finally came and everyone finally went to bed, Jian Yi felt so exhausted that he could have just slept standing up. The worries of the day did not vanish but were amplified each time he thought about those soft caresses and kisses he had shared with Zheng Xi. A growing ache that made him choke swam in his stomach. Grabbing the pillow, he pressed it to his face, muffling the sounds. But then he felt Zheng Xi slip out of his bed and sneak onto his futon and underneath his blanket. An arm wrapped around Yi’s waist and he felt himself being pulled closer. 

“I meant it…,” Zheng Xi whispered and pulled him even closer. “You’re not going to run away…,” he continued, “we’ll figure this out together, like always… just wait and see…,” he sleepily mumbled, his breathing warm on the back of Yi’s neck.

Shuddering, Yi sank a little more into Zheng Xi’s arms, but a soft smile curved his lips now, too, “I’ll hold you up to that, Xi Xi…,” he said faintly, barely able to stay still. If he wasn’t that tired and confused, he would have turned around and kissed him. Like this, he remained still. He thought he heard Zheng Xi say that _’it was okay, that he was there for him. That he had superpowers, and that he would send him strength’._ Or maybe that was a memory from very long ago. How strange that he would remember that now, but at the same time it was comforting; after all, their friendship had endured, their bond remained and their promise was still standing, unspoiled and irreplaceable… just as Zheng Xi was for him and he was for Zheng Xi.


End file.
